


You Have To Fucking Eat, Sherlock!

by EchoSilverWolf



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adult Children's book, Crack, Explicit Language, Frustrated John Watson, Gen, Humor, Johnlock Roulette, M/M, POV John Watson, Parody, Sherlock doesn't eat during cases, Silly nonsense ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 01:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12200841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoSilverWolf/pseuds/EchoSilverWolf
Summary: Silly, total crack parody of Adam Mansbach's adult children's book 'You have to fucking eat'John just wants Sherlock to eat!https://youtu.be/D0Vou9-Z0IsI own nothing!!Characters belong to ACD and the BBC respectively. Original story to Adam Mansbach.Pure satire.Unbetaed. Any mistakes are my own.





	You Have To Fucking Eat, Sherlock!

**Author's Note:**

> I have been playing with this for months and decided to finally share it. I only hope to make you giggle!

 

 

_The sunrise is bright and unusual,_

_Of course, in London, I'd say that's a treat_

_You woke me because of a murder, fine,_

_But breakfast is something I'd still like to eat._

 

_The people in Speedy's are brunching_

_Mrs Hudson , she nags and tries to bribe you with sweets._

_I know you're too stubborn to reason with_

_But dammit, Sherlock, you do need to eat!_

 

_I nibble on toast with jam_

_And tea without sugar-too sweet_

_No,i'm not fucking ready,_

_sit your impatient ass down_

_and maybe just_ **_try_ ** _to fucking eat?_

 

_Rosie sits in her high chair,_

_Munching eggs and toast as i watch from my seat._

_Though it would be nice if she could sit in the kitchen,_

_Where it is too much of a biohazard  to be a place where we fucking eat_

 

_How long is this case? We've been running for days_

_How the hell are you not passed out in the street?_

_How is it you're smart, and how the hell’d you get tall?_

_When we both know that you never eat??_

 

_You know who loves dinner?_ **_Me!_ **

_But I'm tired and know when to face defeat._

_This letting you pick off my plate shit_

_Makes me wonder why i even bother making you eat._

 

_If you were a child i'd have better luck feeding you_

_But you are moody and your obstinance is too hard to beat,_

_I know half the things in our fridge are bloody toxic_

_But for fuck's sake, Sherlock, you still have to eat!_

 

_Now you're fucking hungry?_

_Sod that_

_Drink your tea,_

_Some whisky for me as a treat_

_Sorry, you big git, i tried all day to get you to fucking eat._

 

_Christ, Fine! Here's some biscuits!  that's it!_

_You're exhausting and I'm bloody beat._

_And tomorrow we'll be up early again_

_To argue some more over why you fucking won't eat!_

 

_It's midnight you arse- no takeaway!_

_God! Just Please let me sleep!_

_Budge over, give me room, make not a peep!_

_It's bedtime, you tit. Shut up, close your eyes-_

_It is too bloody late now to eat!_


End file.
